Chapter Two

AN: Just a heads up, this chapter is going to take a different turn. If you're sensitive about couples, you might want to refrain. I still appreciate any and all reviews. Thank you much!

Chapter Two

I couldn’t help but breathe a little bit easier now that the waters had been cleared between Nick and I. We could laugh and tease like we used to, and while there was still some very awkward moments, things felt like they were finally returning to normal. School was becoming routine, just like it did every year, but I was starting to notice someone I didn’t expect.

“So what do you have planned for the weekend?” Stacey was in my math class, something we both dreaded. I glanced up to the desk that belonged to our teacher, Ms. Cole. She was busy with something, per her usual. She didn’t mind if we chatted, as long as she could work.

“I actually have plans with Michelle, and I have an art project that needs finishing.” I had fought long and hard through Algebra, but now I was getting dizzy over shapes and angles. Thinking how much I hated math for about the tenth time that day, I erased yet more progress.. Beginning again I asked, “What about you?”

“The same thing I always do on the weekend.” Stacey was simple, I think that’s why I liked her so much. Things were never a huge deal with her, everything was always very low key. The only time her wild side came out was during a party, and that wasn’t very often.

“Sleep, hanging out.” I supplied for her. I could see her nod as she double checked an answer. Stacey was a silent study partner, which I enjoyed, most of the girls from the group I had classes with liked to talk through it all. I always considered silence a blessing, speaking of which…

“Hey, do you think we can go to the library next weekend, I have a paper for biology that’s kicking my ass.”

“That sounds fine.” Stacey was lost in the next problem of our assignment. Or, so I thought. “So, are things okay with you and Nick now?” My pencil stopped mid-problem. Glancing up from my paper I saw that Stacey was still focused on our text book.

“Things are better, but I think it’s going to be a while before things get completely normal again.”

“Darcy, normal would be him pining for you, and you being too stupid to realize he’s head over heels for you. You don’t really want to move backwards do you?”

“Where is this all coming from, Stace?” Now I was the one who was focusing on the assignment. As much as I loved Stacey, she had the talent for getting me to say things I didn’t want to say, and telling me things no one else would.

“I’m just saying that there are plenty of people in this school who are not exactly less then into you.” She had finished before me, just like always, and reaching for her book. “What you need to do is get over the disappointment everyone has about you and Nick. Sure, it would have been nice if things had worked out, but they didn’t.” She was facing me now, book in hand. “If everyone sees that you’ve moved on, they might too.”

What Stacey said stuck with me through the rest of the day, it had never occurred to me that I was the reason people were still stuck on the whole thing. I certainly didn’t want to move backwards, but I wasn’t sure how to move forward without making Nick feel like I was leaving him behind. But was I?

‘There are plenty of people in this school who are not exactly less then into you.’

That through me for a loop though. While no girl wants to think they’re totally unappealing to the opposite sex, I wasn’t one of those girls who thought the world of themselves. I didn’t think I was horrible looking, but at the same time I wasn’t about to declare myself ‘fairest of them all’.

I shook my head, it was no wonder all of the adults said to wait as long as you can before getting into a relationship. Once you did that, everything you thought you knew about everything goes straight to hell. Or was it just me? Maybe I was just missing something? But if being in a relationship was so complicated, why didn’t anyone want to talk about it? They talked about sex in school, it was an entire course-no pun intended-and that was way more serious then just a couple of teenagers dating. Sighing as I rounded the corner I wished my Dad would call soon. It’d been months since I had talked to him, and I really just wanted someone with a little perspective to talk to, plus I cringed at the thought of trying to talk to my mother about anything regarding Nick since our last conversation. It felt like for the time being I was on my own, which wasn’t exactly an encouraging thought.

Later that day, in my second art class, which concentrated mostly on pencil work, we were put into groups of three. Michelle and I were paired with a boy who sat across from me. Bryce was an interesting character, if I had to choose a way to describe him. He ran with a different crowd then Michelle and I, but he was a decent guy, a great artist and a hell of a comedian. Ms. Lane informed us that we could to a portrait of one of our group-mates, or two, ourselves included. I spent most of class deciding whether I wanted to do a full body, or just a facial portrait. I finally came to the conclusion that a facial portrait would suffice, when Bryce spoke up.

“So, I tend to work better when I’m out of the class room, any chance of us all hooking up and working at some one’s house?”

“We can do it at my place, I’ve got a decent sized studio and my mom is out of town on business.” I offered.

“Cool, which bus do you ride?” The bell had rung, and Bryce was already gathering his things.

“Bus twelve.” I called as he headed for the door.

“Meet you there.” Was the stifled reply that came from the hall of moving bodies. Michelle and I traded looks, and shrugs before heading for the hall ourselves.

“How is your day going so far?” She asked as I headed for the gym, and she for the auditorium. I sighed heavily; mentally, I was exhausted, but I wasn’t prepared to share why.

“Things are okay. It’s just kinda weird still with Nick, and I get the feeling like everybody is watching. It’s just tiring.” Making a pit stop by my locker, I set the books that I wouldn’t need aside.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Was the kind offer. I managed a smile for her before closing my locker again.

“Thanks, but I’d rather not. I just want to leave it alone for right now. Hopefully everyone else will do the same thing.” We were on the move again. About to separate for the next hour, Michelle stopped me.

“Darcy?” The final bell had just rung, and we were both now late for class. But Michelle looked as if there was something she really needed to say.

“Yeah, what’s up?”

“Do you mind if I meet you at your house? There’s something I need to grab before we all get started.” I got the feeling that wasn’t what she had meant to say, but we were already late.

“No, that’s fine. I’ll leave the door open.” Nodding her thanks, she turned and took off down the hall. I watched her go, and wondered if she had always run with such poise.

Once in class I felt a head ache coming on. Both Michelle and Stacey had given me things to think about, and I was about to spend the next hour with the one person I just wanted some time away from. As fate would have it, Mrs. Brown had decided to use Nick and I as examples of how to perform several advanced dances. I tried to ignored the way he looked at me when he thought I wasn’t paying attention, and the way his arms supported my entire body. As uncomfortable as I was emotionally around him these days, he would always be my ideal partner. There was such a sense of trust built between us when it came to the dace floor, I just wished that I could be as trusting off of it. During that particular class, Mrs. Brown talked about the town’s regular competitions with the surrounding cities, and while our town also had it’s traditional dance team, we were something entirely different. While there was this class counted for school credit, we could also sign up for the Classical Club, which performed classic dances, which Nick and I were both apart of. Every year, if we made it to the championship, we would choose a dance that was our signature, and that would help decide the winners. Mrs. Brown, being a new teacher, chose the Voltaire. Club members would start learning it that next week.

By the end of the day I was about ready to dunk my head into a bucket of ice cold water just to make sure I wasn’t having a horridly obnoxious dream. But I had agreed to get together with Bryce and Michelle, and as much as a part of me wanted to cancel, there was the other part of me that said no way. On the way home I couldn’t help but think to myself that at least I would be spending time with Michelle, and from the time Bryce and I got off the bus to the time it took Bryce and I to set things up, I pondered over why I was so happy over the idea. But when Michelle came in, all I knew was that I was glad she was there. The three of us spent the next several hours working without really telling each other who was the main focus. Just for a change of pace I started doing Bryce, but as I got further with my drawing, I felt like something was missing. It was then the idea occurred to me to add something to the picture. I would wait until he and Michelle went, and then I would add myself to the picture. Ms. Lane had expressed the desire for me to do more pictures of myself. As a teacher she thought that if I drew more pictures with myself as the main focus I would have more of an idea of how I really saw myself. She also said it might help my art go in other directions, push my boundaries, expand my pallet. At first I had considered putting Michelle into the picture, but the thought of Michelle alone with a guy made me feel uneasy. Not that it should have, I told myself later that night, it was just a picture after all. I stopped in my nightly ritual of braiding my hair to think for a moment. Where was all of this coming from? I stopped my train of thought then. Closing my eyes I decided that the picture would have the three of us. I would add Michelle in the next time we got together, and after that was done, I would add in myself. Satisfied by the solution I had come across I crawled under the covers, and waited for sleep to come.

Before I knew it, the weekend was there and waiting for me. I was arriving at Michelle’s house right before six as promised when she was exiting the front door. For a moment I stopped to watch her in spite of myself. Her slender legs brought her down the stone steps at swift but graceful pace. She had curled her auburn hair, just ever so slightly, carrying a dainty bounce with her every move. The denim capris and layering tanks accented her figure in a fashion that was almost too flattering. The ballet flats and silver chain around her neck gave her look a fun twist. With a light sweater and an environmentally conscious tote bag, one could very easily mistake a girls night out, for a more serious night out on the town.

For a moment I was panicked over the relaxed cerulean khakis and black boat neck I had thrown together along with my everyday Vans. I had left my hair down and plain, shoving my wallet into my back pocket on the way out the door. The denim jacket I had commandeered from my mother’s room was probably dirty, too. The only thing I had done was trade in my glasses for contacts. Wishing I had put more thought into our outing, I considered running back to my own house to at least change my clothes. But I hesitated at the thought of being late, or causing Michelle to think I had stood her up. When she turned and smiled at the sight of me, I noticed the lightest pink hue above her eyes, and on her lips. Just remembering the way Michelle had looked that night cause my heart to speed up, the exact opposite of the moment. My body had erased the few remaining feet that separated us, my heart paused all the while. I knew there was no way I was going anywhere after that.

“Are you ready?” Michelle asked, ever casual.

“Yeah, lets do it.” Heading into town was strange for a few minutes, which puzzled me. We had walked into town hundreds of times together, and my stomach had never acted the way it was now. Thankfully Michelle brought up school and our other friends before long, and it was easier to ignore the Olympics going on inside of me. Chatting the whole way to the theater, it occurred to me how quiet she could be around other members of our clique, but once alone she wasn’t nearly as shy. Buying our tickets and retrieving the popcorn I couldn’t help but wonder if she was so open with everyone once she was one on one with them. Selfish as it was, the idea of Michelle sharing her thoughts and feelings the way she did with me stung. Taking our seats I felt utterly ridiculous, it wasn’t any of my business what Michelle said and did without me. I could feel myself begin to pout as the opening previews began to roll. Since when did I care so much anyway? It wasn’t until the movie started that I managed to suppress the web of thoughts, but the moment Michelle leaned against me is when they disappeared all together. By the end of the film, my arm had found its way around her shoulders, her head resting against my own. I wasn’t entirely sure if it had been my doing or hers, but regardless, I was sad when we rose to our feet, and headed for the exit. The popcorn gone, we voted to grab a drink at one of the local coffee joints the small town offered. I couldn’t help but watch her out of the corner of my eye all the way there, she seemed completely at ease, perhaps she was even content. Reaching the door, I opened it for her in a rush, but she didn’t give any indication of the change in my behavior.

After ordering an herbal tea and an Italian soda, we found an empty table next to the fire place, which made the Coffee Cottage a regular hang out for college students, seeing as how it was a college town. I watched as Michelle added honey to her tea, thinking to myself how soft her hands must be. Most of the time whenever I notice her hands they were decorated by paint, or smeared with charcoal. But here, they were clean, and they looked so smooth despite the abuse of an artist.

“So what did you think of the movie?” My eyes were greeted by a knowing smile, but her tone gave nothing away. I couldn’t help but go along with it.

“It wasn’t bad. Although the main character was a complete asshole.” I took a sip. I hadn’t realized how try my mouth was. Wait, was I actually nervous? “What did you think about it?”

“It wasn’t bad, but,” She said, testing the degree of her tea. Still too hot. “But I thought it could have ended better.”

“No kidding. What was with that plot anyway? You run around a city for two and a half hours, only to find out that your boss is the reason your whole life is being messed around with. Your wife dieing, your kid disappearing, your best friend trying to kill you. Not exactly original.” I took another sip, a longer one this time. God I was thirsty.

“Maybe not, but the head of the FBI also being the Kingpin to all of the crime in D.C.? And then using a secret crew to clear out all of the drug lords along the east coast just so you could take their place?” Her tea was cooler now.

I shrugged, stirring the ice. “It was still predicable. If you watched it closely enough you would be able to figure it out. The pieces were just lain out too neatly, you know what I mean?” My eyes were focused on the warmth of the small fire, but just for a moment. “Like I said, it wasn’t bad, just not…”

“Just not exciting enough?” She offered. Turning my eyes back to Michelle, she had her mug cupped in her hands, her eyes had replaced mine on the fire.

“That’s not it per se.”

“Then what is it, Darcy?” There was something in the way that she asked, the same thing was in her eyes when she brought them back to me. I thought for several moments before answering her.

“I just thought that the main character could have just accepted what happened to him, you know? Terrible things happen, awful things happen. But just because someone decides to be greedy, and selfish, and winds up hurting people, it doesn’t mean that they have to stay hurt. They can choose to move on, to start over.”

“Accepting things that have happened aren’t always easy though. This man lost everything was dear to him, because he was involved with the wrong people, and he didn’t even know it until it was too late. Would you be able to handle something like that? Would you be able to simply pick up where you left off?”

“No, of course not, at least not at first. But he wasn’t the only one who suffered. There was an entire state, and almost the entire east coast that would have been ruined, because of one man. He chose to be alone, despite the fact that there was only one other person who was willing to stand up with him, and put an end to things. She was willing to help him, to be there for him, whether as a friend, or potentially something more. As long as she wasn’t alone at the end of it all.”

“Maybe he just wasn’t ready for it.” She murmured. I could see that she was beginning to see where I was coming from.

“I think he was just afraid.” Her eyes met mine in a way they hadn’t before. They were open to me, and for a single moment, I could see exactly what she was thinking and feeling. I knew in that moment that Michelle was someone special, and even though it had taken me this long to figure it out, she had been waiting quietly, and patiently for me all along. Reaching for her hand I was nearly swept away by all of the feelings that were suddenly crashing against my insides in a way they never had with Nicholas. She didn’t pull away from me when I cradled her palm in my own, but I could sense that she was still holding back. I took a brief moment to study her hand. It felt just as delicate and as soft as I had imagined. I was almost afraid that if handled poorly, it might shatter in the same way a porcelain figurine might.

“I just think,” I spoke in a way so that only she could hear me, “that if he had given her a chance, he would have wound up much happier.” Lifting my eyes to meet hers in what felt like a life time, I could see the fear as clear as the hope, the silent hope. “Just one chance.”

We finished the rest of our drinks in a strange silence. That same silence accompanied us back to Michelle’s home. I allowed myself to hope that she would take my hand on the way back, but she never did, and I was never one to push people. Stealing glances all the way, it was plain that she was thinking about what I had said back at the Cottage. Shoving my hands into my pockets I also began to think, mostly about where the sudden streak of boldness had come from. Entering the old house quietly was a challenge, but we always managed. Heading down the hallway I grabbed the duffel that my mother had undoubtedly dropped off earlier that evening. Taking care not to wake her parents on the rickety stairs still took effort, even after years of practice, but once in the large upstairs, my tip-toeing ceased.

Michelle remained silent as she set up the room for us to got to sleep, I took the opportunity to change into my pajamas. Brushing my teeth, combing my hair, and removing my contacts seemed to go by faster then ever. Back home it was always a chore to take care of my contacts, hence the reason I preferred my glasses for most tasks. My glasses in their home, my hair pulled away from my face, I had grown far more tired then I had originally thought. Seeing that I had been left alone with the futon, I made myself comfortable. The colored lights that Michelle kept in her room year-round made me chuckle as I remembered the conversation Michelle and I had once had about colors before closing my eyes and drifting off to sleep.

I awoke the next morning to find the room in the same condition as I had fallen asleep in; empty. This was far from unusual, though. Michelle was always up before company, even me. Before heading down stairs I changed into the clothes my mother had picked for me, and brushed my hair. My glasses on, I headed down the stairs to the smell of breakfast. Offering and receiving a ‘good morning’ along with an offer to help, and the small talk about my mother, and school as the three of us ate was tradition by now. Once the table was cleared, and the kitchen cleaned, we were off to town again.

As previously discussed, we hit the town’s one book store, the local comic shop, and the almost out of place Celtic armory, and the ice cream parlor, all without mention of the happenings from the previous night. With our orders of corn dogs, fries, onion rings, soda and ice cream, we headed for Memorial Park, on the other side of Old Town. Finding an empty picnic table would have been easy enough but Michelle opted to sit in the town’s gazebo, which oddly enough, was also empty. After yet another half hour of silence, we had moved onto the ice cream, which meant we were going to part ways soon. But I didn’t want to end our visit without some indication of what was going to happen, if anything, or at least know what she was thinking. Again, I hesitated. I didn’t want to push her, because despite how well Michelle was able to hide things from others, she wasn’t nearly as good as I was.

Sighing to myself, another possibility came to mind. What if this whole thing was all in my head? Could it be that I was simply misreading the entire situation? But what about our conversation at the Cottage, and the way we had watched the movie together? It just wasn’t making sense any more, and that made me worry as to whether it had ever made sense to begin with.

“Michelle-”

“Darcy, please. Give me time.” I gathered the courage to fully look at her for the first time that day. She wouldn’t meet my eyes, she would barely even take in my face. But she had know what I intended to talk about, so that had to mean I was on track with something, right?

“Okay.” I didn’t know how else to answer her. Without knowing what else to say, we headed back into town, our time together had come to a close. All the way to her house I racked my brain, trying to come up with anything I could say to her, but for all the thinking my mind had been doing recently, it was uncharacteristically quiet when I actually wanted it. When I actually needed it.

“I’ll see you at school.” She called, walking up the steps. I waved to her back, knowing she wouldn’t turn to wave good-bye.

“See ya.” I stared at the closed door for a moment, trying to decide if I should have said all of those things. If I should have taken her hand they way I had. Dragging my feet the rest of the way home, I knew that there was no way to go back and undo any of it, I would have to do what everyone else did. I’d have to wait. But wait for what exactly? Would I be waiting for a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’? What if she didn’t even say anything, what if she let things stay the same, or would she communicate what she wanted with some other method. Her eyes, a note? For as sure as I had been about the whole thing the night before, I certainly wasn’t sure now. And how much time did she need, how much time would she want?

Taking a deep breath I entered the house, knowing I would be by myself for at least a couple of hours. Heading for the stairs I grabbed the duffel my mother had undoubtedly brought back earlier that morning, and began to tread up the stairs. Once inside my room I tossed the duffel aside and stared blankly at the void of my bedroom. The only thing that I knew would distract me, was to draw. But what would keep me even more distracted, would be trying to draw anything other then Michelle. Because I had the feeling that she would be the one thing on my mind for a good, long while.

By the time it was time to go back to school, I had settled a few things in my mind, but I was still waiting for Michelle. And I was prepared to wait as long as I needed to. Somewhere, I wasn’t even sure when, I had developed feelings for Michelle, and I hadn’t known it. Or maybe I had known, somewhere inside, but maybe I just didn’t want to know it. With all of the drama concerning Nick, it would make total sense not to want to think about someone else. On top of everything else being gay wasn’t a big thing in our town, but it wasn’t very well accepted at home. While my family was more right wing then anything, I wasn’t exactly right or left, I was more like a happy medium. But what about Nick? I had feelings for him for quite a long time, and I was so happy with him that summer, so I suppose I wasn’t gay specifically. Sighing to myself I looked around my homeroom, waiting for school to really start. I was trying to process it all before going to class so hopefully, I wouldn’t be distracted the whole day. But I had the feeling that was a little to much to ask for.

I was, however happy with the final product of the drawing with the three of us. Michelle was to the left, I the right, and Bryce was just slightly above us. Looking over it once more I smirked as I noticed how unconsciously I had set the picture. In class I sat at the end of the table closest to Ms. Lane’s desk, with Michelle on my left. Bryce somehow managed to fit right in between us across the table. And when we had all gotten together, setting up in the house’s studio, we had found ourselves in the same fashion. The smirk vanished when I realized I had art class again with Michelle. In fact, I had an art class everyday with Michelle. Would that make things awkward for her? I buried my face in my hands, utterly frustrated. I wished I could talk to her about all of this, talk to anyone about all of this, but no one came to mind. I was solo for the time being, and for once I truly wished I had someone I could lean on.

I was in my dream world again, only this time, he wasn’t there to greet me. Once again, I was in a dress. This time it was a cheery sky blue, which I almost felt was a joke. Moving to sit by the waters edge I felt something shift. I spent a time looking around, but didn’t see any time. Sitting down felt nice, even in my dream I was exhausted. Michelle still hadn’t brought up our conversation, and I was beginning to worry. Bringing my knees to my chest, I rested my chin down on them. The lake seemed to stretch forever, I got lost in it every time. There were several dreams in which I spent all of my time swimming. I began to wonder if it was in the lake I swam when he appeared.

“I apologize for my absence.” He said with this traditional bow. I stood, and walked over to where he stood.

“Don’t apologize, I’m just glad you’re here. I need some serious distractions. Let’s walk.” I took his arm, expecting him to follow, but he stopped me instead. “What’s going on?”

“We don’t have time to walk tonight, the sun is on the horizon.” Looking to the east I was shocked when it hit me that I had spent all of my time looking across the lake. I wasn’t even able to ask what had kept him before my alarm intruded. I felt almost drugged as I got ready for school that morning.

Arriving for yet another day, I was not prepared for the mindless chatter like normal. But I snapped awake when I spotted Michelle waiting outside of my homeroom. She smiled at me as if nothing were out of the ordinary. I stopped just short of the door, trying to decide what to do, if anything.

“Morning, Darcy.”

“Morning, Michelle. Do you mind if I drop my stuff of real quick?”

She shook her head, “Of course not.” Nodding my head, I ducked into the classroom. Finding my usual chair I could feel my breath quickening. Closing my eyes I pulled myself together, but then I remembered how Michelle’s hair had simply flown from side to side, only to return it it’s home, framing her face, and how my pulse had jumped.

Exiting the room, I tried to pretend that I wasn’t nervous, but all of the butterflies in my stomach had made me queasy. We stood for a moment, at first I was afraid to look at her, afraid to see what her face might give away. I heard her move, was she leaving? Looking up I could see she was handing my a letter. The noise I had heard was her retrieving it from her own bag. Taking it from her was strange, while the letter itself was rather light, I could feel the weight of the words she had written. On the envelope was my name in her superior hand writing, I had always liked it better then my own. The bell rang shortly after that, and the students were starting to fill the halls.

“Don’t…” I raised my eyes to meet her. Her face was calm, but her eyes were not. “Don’t read it here, okay?” I understood, this whole experience was a rather strange one, not to mention private. I nodded vigorously before she turned and headed for her own homeroom. I knew that the letter would drive me crazy all day long, but a promise was a promise.